emptyness fills me
i trusted you
however you betrayed me
i was waiting for your return
from your trip..
on that incident day..
the 1 whom i wanted to talk to was you
somehow it was juz a waste
felt I was a fool

jie,
in my back you say i've troubled you
i can't believe i saw this ..with my very own eyes.....
*********************************************************
-: my sis ah
-: creating problem nia
-: noe im having dilemma
*********************************************************
jie..... if i'm such person to you.. if u say i'm such a burden..
don butt in.. i needn't you to get involve and putting it as i made you feel down , stress and worn out..

you've hurt me even more ..when i saw this..
*********************************************************
-: make me feel that she is not worth to trust
*********************************************************
jie....i didn't need you to feel its worth or not.. since i'm not WORTH at all

i know wad i've said.. but why you said this...
*********************************************************
-: she yesterday lie to me before i ask anything
*********************************************************
i guess... i've nothing else to tell you anymore....i can't believe you said this
moreover.. i can't believe that you checked onto me.. asking chuan hoong bout it.. and saying all this to your fren..

you hurt me till the worst.. when you said..
*********************************************************
-: donnoe her d la
*********************************************************
jie..right from the start.. for 15 years and 8 months of my life..
none of your knows me... your don even understand me.. ..i don even need you to know me now or forever...

your words had kills me from every angle.. all i could do is to live with this scars or to die with it.. this words above wasn't juz that short.. you said even more than that.....yea....a lot more....

i don need you to trust me.. i don need anything..
the truth i shall know and believe for myself
cuz i know myself..
of what i am

i may be a kid to you all..
but i admit i'm not an adult..
but why you all hav to put on this reason (you're still small now ..still dunno a lot of thing) to make me feel i'm stupid .. doesn't know the right decision..
i guess that is why.. I can't make decision All the TIme..

saying i'm still small... then out of the sudden say I'm big already still don't know how to think.. which am I to you.. SMall? BIg?? Both?!
-but that doesn't matter-

jie.. you said i betrayed and lied to them 1st..
but do you know.. that they did to me 1st?.. you mention bout my form 1 past to your fren
but do you know at the age of FIVe N SIX.. i've the plan to run away from home in my mind?
of coz you don't..
your thought i was happy with my life...
but i've bare this problem since young.. VEry young..
yeah.. i may hav mental problem..but i've grew with this kind of thought for years..

but i've chose to bare with it..
I've gav and control myself not to over react in front of dad and mum..
I chose not to giv up..trying to be good... trying to full fill mum's and dad's wishes.. but too bad.. i only failed and failed...

why all this happens? why am i liddat?
i myself don't really know..

mum..dad.. you say i've made you sad..disappointed..angry..
and wosrt of all... you say i've hurt you..
at that time... in my mind...
all i could say is..
you're the one who had hurt me deeply..
you're the one who had made me feel all this

**you keep repeating your mistake.. i thought you would realise yourself.. but no..till now you keep repeating it.. nevermind...i needn't to tell you wad it is...i won't tell..i've given up.........**
-but i got ntg to blame on you, mum..dad..cuz i wished i wouldn't had to..-

however..jie.. I've loses my trust on you. I've loses the close relation i had with mum ..all the memories i had ..everyday she'll send me to my kindergarden.. though it was juz a short time of the ride.. but i was really happy..that time

30-01-2008..9.34pm-ended-